Blue Note

“In my experience it was less about what I wasn’t told, and more about what I couldn’t understand until going through it.”

-Stacy Johnson

There are times in your life where you can feel great on the outside, you look normal, you push a smile through, you make everyone around you feel complete; while deep down inside you are a full of a raging sea of emotions, you are screaming, you are lost and feel as though there is no one that can help calm the storm, and let peace succumb you. The storm rages on.

Postpartum Depression can hit like a boulder out of nowhere and leave you feeling completely helpless, and if you’re not aware of what is going on you could get caught up in the emotions and thoughts and start sinking further and further into losing yourself.

I experienced this with 3 out of 4 of my children. Some times were worse than others, but having the ability to know and understand what was happening, address it head on, and have the support all around me to pull through and become stronger after it was over made sure I prevailed. If it meant that I just needed to cry it out for a moment, I did, if it meant that I just wanted to be alone, I would be, but I still had someone there to just peek in and say are you okay, because let’s face it, this stuff can lead to terrifying results if you aren’t too careful. I recently, after having my fourth child, had an episode where I cried, and usually when this happens, you don’t even know why, the emotion just over takes you and you NEED THAT MOMENT. I felt embarrassed, and even angry that I let this feeling overtake me, am I not stronger than this? When this happened, I was aware of my feelings in that moment, and at the time I didn’t feel as though I could properly put into words what I was feeling if I tried to talk through it and tell my husband what was going on, not without crying. Instead I grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote out every thought I had, and every emotion I felt and at the end I felt better, and I wrote ASK ME ANYTHING. He asked me what he could do to help, and we were able to start a conversation, yes, it lead to more tears, but be vulnerable, LET IT HAPPEN, especially when someone is showing you YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You can have these feelings and you can have the mental state that tells you you are alone, and why bother no one cares, but know it is NOT TRUE! The mind is one of the strongest muscles we have, and we have to train that muscle to know that the thoughts produced by it are not, at times, a reality. You have the power to address the reality vs. the imagination that comes with the thoughts produced, if it means getting out and going for a walk, clearing the mental aura of the negative thoughts, breathe in the fresh air and cry if you must, but just embrace every moment that you feel a little lighter in your chest.

Postpartum Depression is a real feeling, it’s a real emotional toil on your mind, body, and being. If you are not careful it can ultimately end you. What you have to remember is that YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE POWERFUL, and YOU HAVE A GREATER REASON TO KEEP GOING! Communicate, let those who are closest to you know what is going on, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I am one of the happiest and positive people, but it had me in the darkest of dark places, feeling as though I could just leave it all behind, but I was aware of what was happening and I said something. Never feel like you have to go through this alone, stay focused, get help, and remember who you are! We are warriors, and the battle ends when we suit up and embrace our power that we have within.

“A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is the one who cries and shed tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again.”

Vision

“Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others”- Jonathon Swift

At the beginning of this year I had all kinds of plans for myself and for my family. We sat down on New Years eve and created a vision board and set goals to reach. What we failed to put into account is that, the year 2020 would come with its own plans and agenda. As we are entering into the sixth month of the year, those visions and goals have had to be put on pause due to a pandemic, job situations, and now riots and protest, while still being under quarantined. What I did notice during all of this is that while a few things have gone a little different than planned, things to help our visions come true are slowly but accurately being put in place, things that had we not had the time to slow down and pay attention might have hindered those visions even more.

I look at the word vision and the word that comes next to my mind automatically is dreams then after that is goals. I ask myself, what are my actual dreams and what vision and goals do you have to help reach those dreams? That question can have a lot of different answers depending on the circumstance, back in April, my vision and goal was to help my kids finish the school year with good grades and on track for the next level, as well as complete my classes with passing grades and move closer to where I am trying to be in that area. In May, that vision switched to making sure my Pre-k kids ended their school year on a positive note, even though we were separated so abruptly. We had a goal to make sure they all still knew how special they were to us and how proud we were of them. Now that all of that has ended and the time that most consider to be “summer break” I don’t see the usual things happening. I see pain, hurt, and fear, all over the world, and the question comes to my mind, do I let all these things stop my vision or do I address what needs to be addressed and show how to lead through my actions? Meanwhile continuing to be on purpose and intentionally focused on those things that are within, so that those visions and dreams, and goals that were planned before can be seen, and felt on the outside.

I want to ask this question to you now, what is your vision or dream that has been put on hold? Did you just let it go because of Covid-19, or were there other ways to reach it but you just didn’t put forth the energy to try? When you look at the world around you, what do you see? Close your eyes and what do you hear? Is there any part of it that you want to change? Is there any part that you can make better? What’s stopping you? People have excuses all the time about why they didn’t do something, and sometimes we can convince ourselves so good that it was the right move not to try, but what happens if we take that chance, and get uncomfortable just for a moment so we can get one step closer to where we wanna be. Let it be worth the first step, And keep going.

Are You Ready?

“The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.” – John Dewey

Have you ever had those times where you look around and say, can I really handle this? I have asked myself that question maybe a million times this week. There have been so many different emotions that sometimes I would not know how to feel, and if someone were to ask I would just shrug. I don’t know about you but I have always been one of those people that felt and had the mind frame of, “I could care less about what someone thinks about me,” or “You have to live for yourself, and not worry about what others think.” Well… this week I actually found myself caring about what others might say or think about my choices and what my family decides to do. Talk about super weird having those closest to me, preaching what I preach to me. Knowing what they are saying is completely true, I still had to deal with those feelings head on. I had to have a mindset change, and remind myself of what all I have done in my personal life, and what all that meant to me. I came to the conclusion that first, God is not gonna put something on you that you cannot handle, and second, where is your faith?

I started this year off, planning and prepping about what I was gonna do, and what my husband and I were gonna accomplish together. Little did I know things would change so soon, and for the better. When those times come that your plan is changed whether it be for the better or for the worst, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna sink, or swim?
Or are you gonna think because I took swim lessons nothings gonna happen to me, only to encounter a shark and be presented with a situation where if you don’t think clear enough, you could lose yourself, and everything you have worked for. No matter what comes your way, look it deep into the eyes and tell it, “You’ve met your match, I can’t be shaken.”

New Year, New Me?

If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy-Proverb

It is now the middle of January. Did you start the year off with different things you were going to do, I know I did. Where are you now on that journey? Why do we even do the whole new year new me thing? Not that it’s not a good idea to plan out how you want things to go for you this year, but what if something happens that messes those plans up? Do we just say, “Oh well, I tried.” I even created a vision board so I could physically see my goals and what I wanted to accomplish this year, and I had to mentally tell myself that even if something comes up I CAN NOT STOP!

If I am wanting to better myself and live “my best life” then I can’t stop believing that I can accomplish and do everything on my vision board, you know why? Giving up on my vision board means that I give up on myself, and I don’t know about you, but I’m not to fond of that feeling. Not only that but I have children watching me. My husband and I push our kids to be the best version of themselves, what kind of pattern would I start if I started having the attitude of, oh well, maybe next time. NO! Life is short and We have to make every moment count, if for noone else, do it for yourself. Don’t let yourself down, stay the course and finish your race. Take that first step of saying, I’ve come too far, I can’t quit. If you haven’t started, what are you waiting for?

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.