“In my experience it was less about what I wasn’t told, and more about what I couldn’t understand until going through it.”
There are times in your life where you can feel great on the outside, you look normal, you push a smile through, you make everyone around you feel complete; while deep down inside you are a full of a raging sea of emotions, you are screaming, you are lost and feel as though there is no one that can help calm the storm, and let peace succumb you. The storm rages on.
Postpartum Depression can hit like a boulder out of nowhere and leave you feeling completely helpless, and if you’re not aware of what is going on you could get caught up in the emotions and thoughts and start sinking further and further into losing yourself.
I experienced this with 3 out of 4 of my children. Some times were worse than others, but having the ability to know and understand what was happening, address it head on, and have the support all around me to pull through and become stronger after it was over made sure I prevailed. If it meant that I just needed to cry it out for a moment, I did, if it meant that I just wanted to be alone, I would be, but I still had someone there to just peek in and say are you okay, because let’s face it, this stuff can lead to terrifying results if you aren’t too careful. I recently, after having my fourth child, had an episode where I cried, and usually when this happens, you don’t even know why, the emotion just over takes you and you NEED THAT MOMENT. I felt embarrassed, and even angry that I let this feeling overtake me, am I not stronger than this? When this happened, I was aware of my feelings in that moment, and at the time I didn’t feel as though I could properly put into words what I was feeling if I tried to talk through it and tell my husband what was going on, not without crying. Instead I grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote out every thought I had, and every emotion I felt and at the end I felt better, and I wrote ASK ME ANYTHING. He asked me what he could do to help, and we were able to start a conversation, yes, it lead to more tears, but be vulnerable, LET IT HAPPEN, especially when someone is showing you YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You can have these feelings and you can have the mental state that tells you you are alone, and why bother no one cares, but know it is NOT TRUE! The mind is one of the strongest muscles we have, and we have to train that muscle to know that the thoughts produced by it are not, at times, a reality. You have the power to address the reality vs. the imagination that comes with the thoughts produced, if it means getting out and going for a walk, clearing the mental aura of the negative thoughts, breathe in the fresh air and cry if you must, but just embrace every moment that you feel a little lighter in your chest.
Postpartum Depression is a real feeling, it’s a real emotional toil on your mind, body, and being. If you are not careful it can ultimately end you. What you have to remember is that YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE POWERFUL, and YOU HAVE A GREATER REASON TO KEEP GOING! Communicate, let those who are closest to you know what is going on, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I am one of the happiest and positive people, but it had me in the darkest of dark places, feeling as though I could just leave it all behind, but I was aware of what was happening and I said something. Never feel like you have to go through this alone, stay focused, get help, and remember who you are! We are warriors, and the battle ends when we suit up and embrace our power that we have within.
“A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is the one who cries and shed tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again.”